Ordering my thoughts
Lately I've been in a lot of stress, most of it because work, but also some recurrent thoughts I've been having. What I want to write today is about them, just to get them out of my head for a while.
You telling me not to go to that place in the next months has been hard, but I wanted you to tell me something related to that; at first you were completely silent about it. I know it's a bit cryptic. It's been a long time since we met now and I told you that I wanted to go where you live and you said it was ok. I didn't thought much about it at first, but you said nothing about it for a while, I started to feel like you didn't care. At last you mentioned something and told me to wait some more time to go and of course I agreed with it, there's no point in going if you wont be confortable with me there.
Another thing that's been on my head is about work and it's related to the goals we are following as a team: there's no clear one. This has to do with our project being to relevant in our client and the "neccesity" of them to sell more things. Right now it feels like our team is just a support team for our product and that other teams are the ones touching our codebase to add new things. This doesn't sound that bad, but the problem is that they're touching some legacy stuff we have, that's really unstable and, clearly, any problem with it in the future it's gonna be our problem.
This is a pretty common issue in the industry, I guess, but the thing that bothers me the most is that we are not having the space to evolve our products, since we are all day fighting with incidents related to them, because they're unstable, even the non-legacy one, or attending meetings for these other teams that are touching our products. It's frustrating, to the point that we're, sometimes, being pressured to fix the problems, but it's just not possible now, we need to replace them with the new one we're working on. Again, we have no time work on this, even though we started it a couple of months ago.
One last thing I wanted to say is related to some relationships, there's people expecting things from me, even though I've been kind of different to that all the time. It seems that I need to be more explicit in the way I live normally, so that I don't need to think about this. It's been stressing, to the point that I've been trying to avoid some persons some days, just because I don't know how to react when I'm with them.