Logo of crpto

JC's Writing

My personal space to publish my thoughts

It's been ten months

During the past year I've been trying to get over someone. I can't think of anything harder than this now, it's something very painful and it seems that I'm addicted to it.

Let's give some context.

In 2017 I started working at some very nice consultancy company as a consultant developer. It's what I've always wanted to do and I consider myself to be very lucky right now, just by being here.

Since I had no previous work experience I got elected to be part of a training program in some different country, where people in a similar situation a mine gather for over 1 month, working and bonding together. This has been the most amazing experience I've ever had and I always say it, specially to the new people that enter the company. It's a experience that I'd love that anyone here could have.

As a I said, this was an amazing experience and one of the reasons of that is a certain person I met there. My god, I've never been more infatuated by someone before. It feels like I've never been in love before, it's just something that it seems out of control. I thanked that person at that time for letting me feel like this and I'll try to explain why.

For a very long time I was trapped in a really deep depression, I didn't want to do anything. I quit college, when I had just one more year to complete my career. One year out of six. Yep, most people tried to convince me to finish, but I just couldn't do it, it was too much for me.

So 2 weeks after I quit I had the opportunity to apply to this company and, after 1 long month, I was accepted. I knew at the time that I would have to go to a different country and I had some interviews in english. My native language is spanish and I never had any formal english classes, besides the ones in secondary and high school. Never learned much there, but I had some knowledge thanks to games and the readings I did all the time to learn things about programming.

Going back to the time I was in this training program I was still in a bad mental state, never been able to really let go of all the problems I had. Of course, during this period I didn't had much time to worry about it and at certain point it's like I completely forgot about it. Yes, this is the reason why I find that experience to be so important to me. It helped me.

So, what? You are feeling better because you were been working all the time? Nope. Part of the reason is this, but not the important one. As I said before I met someone, the most amazing person ever and there's nothing so special about that person, but for some reason it feels like that to me.

We were together for 2 weeks, if I'm correct. The best 2 weeks I've ever had and, again, there was nothing too special about it, just spending time together, doing some of the assignments in my room and sleeping there.

That person lives in the opposite side of the world as I do.

It's been ten months since that program and here I am, still thinking about that person, trying to forget, but every time I try it gets harder. Even though I try, I don't want to get over that person. There's something that makes me cling to some opportunity, knowing that it's probably impossible.

Yep, I'm addicted to this...