Logo of crpto

JC's Writing

My personal space to publish my thoughts

I can't sleep

I've been suffering from insomnia for way too long, I can't even remember when it started, but I'm used to live with it. Sometimes I don't even know if it's ok to call it insomnia, since I don't feel tired at all. It's like I just don't need to sleep more than I do.

Just so you know, 4 hours it's usually more than enough for me. Yep, I know it sounds like I'm in a really bad case of insomnia, but the truth is that I'm fine sleeping this much. Of course I'd like to sleep more, I like to sleep, it feels good, but I just can't. At some point in the night I have to be awake, for some reason, and to go back to sleep again it's really hard. For some people 4 hours is normal, because they are used to it too and, sometimes, because they don't want to sleep more. That's not my case, I want to sleep more, I just can't.

In my job some colleagues called me a robot, because, even when I sleep just 2 hours, I can deliver without problem and I don't look tired. Of course this is not all the time, there are moments when I do look tired,

Sometimes, when I'm awake at night, I text this person that lives in the other side of the world. I do it for two reasons: I know that person must be awake, since we have 12 hours of time difference and because I want to talk with that person. The order of importance of those 2 reasons it's backwards, as you can imagine. I even come to think, at times, that the reason I wake at night is because I want to talk with this person.

It can be, now, but as I said it's been for too long since I have this sleep problem, so it would be hard to believe that it's the only reason.

aravena.me